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We Moved.

2009-06-10T18:29:00.002+08:00

All updates will be resume at thekimes.blogspot.com

Thank you for your support. See you there.

Thank You for Your Support.

2009-06-03T01:07:00.002+08:00

Thank you for being such a supportive reader of NNC. As the original agenda of this blog is just an act of relieving some stress that I encountered for the past 1 year, I believe it's time to move on.

Thank you for your earnest support and await for a brand new blog coming in your way. More details will be updated as soon as I finish my job commitment by the end of this week.

See you.

1985

2009-05-14T21:00:00.000+08:00

1985的那一个下午枫叶纷飞起舞。
星期五的那个下午，坐在你喜欢的那个咖啡屋。
一望无际的那个湖，似看见有你所谓的幸福。
和你的回忆录，只属于我们的音符。
只有夜深人静的时候才能回顾。

我不会哭，只是无奈的心情会偷偷流露。
我不孤独，没有你的日子难免有点无助。
我不透露，其实自己一直再逞强不认输。

这条路，不是属于你我的交叉路。
有你在内的演出，也开始慢慢落幕。
不想被束缚，也应该开始走自己的路。
默哀过后的那一幕，其实也没那么苦。

我没有哭，是因为曾经你无疑给过幸福。
我非孤独，是因为剩下的回忆不是残酷。
我得透露，其实早知道我没法把你留住。

我们就在这最后一幕，画下休止符。
期待下个交叉路，彼此会有幸福。
难忘的1985

Updates

2009-05-13T00:26:00.007+08:00

Finally. One major hurdle was overcame and a lot more of overdue errands and tasks get to follow up.

Driving.

Fishing.

Working out.

Working.

Improving.

你要走得好

2009-05-06T21:00:00.000+08:00

作词：K

什么都不同。终究淡忘了你的笑容。
那一丝丝的温柔。
就这样掉头。和你的回忆不再回首。
失去微笑的你，有点迷蒙，还是会让我心痛。
不想自私地占有。属于你的自由。
幸福的理由，不是完全把你拥有。
而是该放你走。

这是我对你最后真心的演奏。

所以你要走得好，跟他要天长地老。
所以你要走得好，他才是你的依靠。
选择了，就要把它给抓牢。

下次闻到的是，你身上幸福的味道。

所以你要走得好，相恋难免会跌倒。
所以你要走得好，记得真心最地道。
相信彼此，才能天荒地老。
真诚付出，无需回报，你要知道。

你要走得好。

你的笑容，那一丝丝的温柔。
就这样掉头。和你的回忆不再回首。
失去微笑的你，有点迷蒙，还是会让我心痛。
不想自私地占有。属于你的自由。
幸福的理由，不是完全把你拥有。
而是该放你走。

这是我对你最后真心的演奏。

所以你要走得好，跟他要天长地老。
所以你要走得好，他才是你的依靠。
选择了，就要把它给抓牢。
下次闻到的是，你身上幸福的味道。

所以你要走得好，相恋难免会跌倒。
所以你要走得好，记得真心最地道。
相信彼此，才能天荒地老。
真诚付出，无需回报，你要知道。

你要走得好。

Right Here, Right Now

2009-04-19T00:34:00.003+08:00

"To err is human nature. Mourn with the mistakes. Reflect from the mistakes. Analyse the mistakes. Learn from mistakes. Let go the mistakes. And move on without the mistakes. As some may see mourning as emotional degrading, I see it as mandatory recovery process. How the world will evolve depend on how you react to the cause. Be honest with yourself. This is the least you should do."

Just a human like you.

2009-04-16T22:56:00.001+08:00

Unevitably, I am different

2009-04-15T23:37:00.008+08:00

"If you're the same, the same as everyone else, then you're just a cog in the machine, a commodity, someone who sells her time by the hour, her work by the pound. Be different. Be remarkable. Offend people, stand out, challenge the rules. That's not what your teachers want, but it's exactly what the world needs."

~Seth Godin~

At times, have you ever doubt that you are the black sheep in the herd? Everyone using different kind of glances at you? Those smirks and talkings behind the back, no mention those sacarsms in between the lines?

I had and still having. Do you?

I used to change myself, trying to blend into their styles and values. Peer influences, that's what it called. People do change according to influence of environment and people according to Kurt Lewin's Force Field Theory. Homogenous identity. No one wants to be the "odd one out" consciously or sub-consciously.

However, I realised something. To change yourself for sake of changing without realising and sincerely acknowledging the need to do so is such a foolish act. If I have to change, it going to be for the better and right cause upon realisation of the need to change. If I am unfamiliar with certain issues or things, I will just say the truth. If I am thinking differently from others, you bet. I will just say what I really feel. If people throwing different glances at me just because I use different approaches in life, let it be. I will just bear the consequences may it be good or bad. If people talking bad at my back or being sacarstic, fret not. I can't expect everyone to like me in the first place.

Be different. Be unique. Be yourself. Maybe outcomes may not be what I foreseen, but at least I can say that I am leading a life with no regrets. Sometimes, we may make mistakes and fail utterly. But, like those wise men said, mistakes and failures are just laboratories of success and wisdom. So, learn to embrace yourself just like I am trying to accept mine.

Seriously, If I got a "Gun"

2009-04-15T00:44:00.001+08:00

Who says Men can't have hysterical screams?

2009-04-12T23:44:00.001+08:00

Too Much

2009-04-11T01:36:00.002+08:00

Think too much. Worry too much. Do too much. Talk too much. Read too much. Everything too much.

Think Good, Be Cool and Look.

2009-04-09T19:34:00.004+08:00

"I may not like to lose, but certainly not afraid to lose.
Things may not be good, however I learnt to be cool.
As bad as they may looked, but my iron-will will never be crook.
Think it good. Let it Cool. Not as bad as it looked."

This timely temporal defeat comes in time to offset my arrogance.

三分钟恋人

2009-04-04T00:00:00.006+08:00

三分钟恋人
作词：K

原来就是这样
无需祈求彼此的原谅
这就是三分钟恋人的模样

彻夜的电话不再响
拥抱也变成种假象

就这样

坐着发呆
这该死的爱应不应该
说着等待
所谓的信赖不再存在
有所感慨

这不是爱只是寂寞彼此想找个依赖
这不是爱只是试着忘掉过去的尘埃
这不是爱只是真心和现实在耍赖
这不是爱这真的不是爱

就是这样
真的无需祈求彼此的原谅
这就是三分钟恋人的模样

彻夜的电话不再响
拥抱也变成种假象

就这样

躺着发呆
所谓的爱原来不应该
握着口袋
满满装着种种的无奈
有所感慨

这不是爱只是寂寞彼此想找个依赖
这不是爱只是试着忘掉过去的尘埃
这不是爱只是真心和现实在耍赖
这不是爱这真的不是爱

就这样不再给自己遐想
就让它石沉海洋
就这样开始舍得原谅
没有心疼的现象
就这样从此以后再也不一样
不再有三分钟恋人你的模样

Merry-Go-Round of Life

2009-04-03T19:33:00.002+08:00

Life is just like merry-go-round. It involves ups and downs and will ever revolve around us.

Dead-Beat

2009-04-02T21:59:00.003+08:00

I feel lethargic. After spending almost all my daytime in school revising for exams since few weeks ago, days have not been that upbeat anymore. Most of the time, I will come home in half-dead form, after a short break and resume my 2nd half of the revision after that. Although I have been giving myself day off in between the schedule, but things aren't getting better. I still feel tired nonetheless.

That bas'tard alter-ego me has taken over lately. Not because that I wish to show off, but I just can't contain my massive competitive streak and stress in me. I need competition to keep myself going in this kind of critical time. My personality has become a tad unbearable even to myself lately . I want to win myself. That's all I want to do. Just trying my best to keep my death-rays to the minimum.

Nothing can stop me from achieving what I aim for. But. Maybe I just have to sleep and relax a little bit more.

Tomorrow, going to stop revision for a day. It's grandma's day. I got to go and submit my report card to her, one important woman who really loved me even she's gone. Maybe this will be a good time for me to relax. I have to control myself and contain that bas'tard alter ego of mine before something happens again. Sometimes, I wonder whether I am addicted to achievement and self-actualisation. I just can't be contented.

Matter of Attitude.

2009-04-01T18:00:00.000+08:00

Why can't people understand me? Why are they doing all that to themselves? Screw-up people? Honourable people? All these baffled me in the past.

Since young, I used to believe that there's no need to differentiate people into classes. By categorising each and everyone into classes, this will create a wall of discrimination among those which usually results in inflated ego or demoralising inferior complexity within one's self. This is so uncool and snobbish to look down on people just because we bound to 'belong' to different classes based on certain determinant factors. The most commonly used class hierarchy differentiation that is used by people may just revolve around social status in society. Low class, middle class, upper class and upper upper class. The riches and the poor. Find that familiar? May it be in the movies or in our lives, discrimination based on these determinants are clearly observed. I am not implying that the riches always despising the poorer. There are also times when the under-privileged to go on and stereotype those riches as the usual snobbish pigs who have their eyes implanted above their foreheads which the fact that it may proven the otherwise. Therefore, I strongly believe that classes should be abolished in human culture as everyone has their own rights to equality and to be treated equally.

However, as I grow older, coupled with these never-ending harsh lessons learnt from this harsh adult world, I realised something. Things are never going to be this simple. Events aren't going to be always developing in the way you want it to be. People around you won't be always this nice like those kind hearted characters in the fairytales. It becomes a norm for me to find explanations and answers behind all these phenomenons happened around. It is an undisputed fact that we, human think and act differently which results in different and unique path of our own in our lives. But how different? In what areas? To rationalise the behaviour patterns, I believe we have to categorise them into classes. This shall not be used as a benchmark to discriminate people but as a reference to understand the possible reason of why people end up differently from us. After going through some ordeal last year, I came out with an answer. It is not going to be as magnificent like Fredrick Hertzberg's motivator/hygiene theory or Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. But at least, now I have learnt to empathise with this reasoning I came out.

It's a matter of attitude.

Values mould one's attitude. Different values towards different aspects in life will result in different set of attitudes shown in different situation.

There are two polarity of attitudes; the Positives (+) and the Negatives (-). When facing the same situation, two people may react differently. One may show positive attitudes such as empathy, resilience, self-control, enthusiastic, and helpful. On the other hand, the other one just may display negative attitudes like obstinate, distrusting, grumbling, self-pity, and insensitive.
Based on my experiences and beliefs, I believe that the outcomes and behaviours of one’s self are to determine by showing what kind of attitudes towards these 3 areas in one Self, People and Environment.

By referring to one self, it can be seen as an area where one can show positive or negative attitudes towards himself by showing self-confidence and motivated or procrastinating, and inferior respectively. In the area of People, he can treat people with either with sincerity, scepticism, understanding, distrusting, and etc. Likewise for the aspect in environment, while living in certain condition of environment, each may react differently. When facing harsh environment conditions, one may display resilience and high adaptability, meanwhile some may just self-pity and complaining.

To be realistic, I have to admit that no one in this world is perfect. By admitting yourself as flawless is indeed a flaw itself. Thereby, no one will be able to attain the state of showing positive attitudes in these 3 areas that are stated earlier on. As one may be adept in showing positive attitudes in 1 or 2 areas, he is bound to fare weaker in the remaining. Negative attitudes will tend to results in negative outcomes and undesirable behaviours. Likewise, as positive attitudes will result in positive outcomes and desirable behaviours.

Like the analogy of square peg and round hole, one must fits in well into another. By holding the same polarity of attitudes towards the same area, this will homogenise the two parties which are commonly described as “we click” or “He knows me well”. Likewise, by holding differing polarity of attitudes towards the areas, these will tend to lead to incongruence in perspectives and disagreements when comes to handling or perceiving the same situation. So that explains why sometimes, people can’t understand us, just like we can’t empathise them. However, this doesn’t mean that things can’t work out between two people holding two different polarities of attitudes towards the same area. It is just that compromising and accommodation of differences in perspective must be reached between each other which can be quite taunting at times.

In conclusion, there’s nothing to fret over why people act like this or why can’t people understand us. In general, everyone behaves different due to many factors and one of them is attitude. Meanwhile, bearing this fact in mind, you just have to determine whether there’s any worth for you to accommodate the other party or just rest your case when disparity of attitudes shown in certain circumstances. If someone is really showing really undesirable attitudes in overall, it is best to avoid this person. At the same time, there’s no point of worrying for others. As one must learn to bear the consequences of his own behaviours and all we can do, is to sit back quietly and render assistance and timely advices when times to come.

New Look New Mood

2009-03-30T19:00:00.004+08:00

Today, I had cut my hair short despite of stylist Yurui's discouragement. 6 months of long hair gone. So does my bad mood. New look, new mood. Sometimes, we just have to be different in order to start afresh. I feel good. No more bad vibes. Let's go.

Before & After

回来了

2009-03-29T01:49:00.006+08:00

原来，一点都没忘记。

只是一直沉淀着。

从前的一切，统统都回来了。

天真的欢笑，羞涩的倾倒。

无邪的心思，单纯的邂逅。

看似陌生，但还是真的拥有过。

即使忘了当时的情景，但还是深深地记得那时的感觉。

回来了。

那些珍贵的，都找回来了。

Style

2009-03-27T00:28:00.005+08:00

Style. It can be defined as a way of excuting actions in a different manner from the rest or just manner of doing stuffs based on his values and perspective of his own. I used to wonder, why do everyone lead their lives like that? So different, "out of the world" from the usual one that I have or I seen. That baffled me. I strongly believe that they are doing the wrong things at that moment, or they could have done better with some other alternatives that they have missed out. Once upon, I even tried to force my ideas into them, but it failed utterly. Moreover, it made me feel so guilty for doing so at that point of time even though I sweared that I am doing those out of my goodwill and unwillingness to see others following those old footsteps of mine.

However, this doesn't stop here. Sometimes, I grow doubtful about myself too. To face the reality, it is inevitable that sometimes, we get negative responses from other for doing things in our styles. Quite a heartbreaking scene to see those disapproving eyes glaring at me during those times, all these cast doubts on myself. Am I doing right all these times? Or am I just another ignorant rascal who doesn't know what is really going on down here? Indeed, these moments really trouble me even till now.

However, after going through and saw so many things these years, I realised something. There's nothing we can do to change other's style. Needless to say, we don't have the rights to judge them in the first place. I came to a conclusion.

I will stick to my style. I will use my own style to do things in my own world. For that, I might not be able to make it big in this lifetime. Outcomes might not be ideal in some cases. Maybe it just telling me that I am just incapable in those aspects. But at least I tried to conquer everything using my own style and efforts without any unhonourable lending hands from family or others. So just stick to your style. Furthermore, build up your courage to bear the consequences for doing it. As long as it's not something against moral values, without hurting anyone or cause disappointments and tears to your closed ones. Just do it.

In singlish terms, maybe it can be described as "Don't care la, just whack."

Moment of Weakness

2009-03-24T23:40:00.003+08:00

Even Superman grows weak whenever he sees kryptonite. Everyone has their own weak moments. To quote from one of the books I read, "women like to share around her troubles whenever she has some. For men like to hide in their caves until they get them straight". Everyone has their troubled times and weak moments. And for everyone, they have their own style of expressing their displeasure and helplessness. Some may scream around. Some may weep at some dark corner. Some may vent their fustrations on others. Some may just choose to disappear for a while.

No matter what is the case, I believe it's best not to implicate others into our own "shit". This may due to the musculine ego of oneself. However, sometimes, men just have some moments and expressions which they prefer not to be seen by anyone. Maybe this is one of the striking differences between the Mars and Venus.

Shall We?

2009-03-22T23:30:00.006+08:00

Shall We? Is it alright for us to look back at our past? Or shall we just move on and never look back again? Are you a past-digger or a future-charger?

I am a past-digger. Once in a blue moon, I like to dig my own past out and take a good look at it. Past that you will still feel happy about it. Past had that makes you wanna dig a hole and hide your head in it. Past that left unanswered. Past that still making you to miss someone or something that you used to have.

Mark Twain once quoted, "History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme at times". In order not repeat the same mistakes that we make in the past, it is certain that we have to look back in the past once in a while. Not to just savour sweetness from the past, but to seek answers and causes for the events happened then and left unanswered till now. Only when we are able answer the doubts in our past, then we will move on. Just hiding the past at the back of your mind will nevertheless return to haunt you with compounded interest.

However, do we ever need to look back at our past in the first place? To me, it serves two purposes. It is necessary for our growing up and remains as one motivator to keep us moving in the times of bad. To learn from the past and prevent the same thing from happening again is a essential way to protect yourself and repress the possibility of hurting others. Even though I believe that no one can be able to change his old ways completely, but it is still possible to minimise the occurences to the minimum if you try hard enough. Meanwhile, by reminiscing on our past,it can also serve us as a timely reminder. Reasons why what had moulded us, keep us moving and why do we choose our present path.

Certainly, everyone owns some pieces of their own dark moments in some stages of their life. Iregardless of whether it is good or bad memories, I believe that these are something that we have to bear the responsibilty of carrying those throughout our lifetimes as long as we stay as the executors of our own lives. Thus, it's good to look back once in a while, whether it's for the sake of doing self-reflections or just want to savour some brief moments of past sweetness. However, it's never good to stay too long in our memories. Dwelling too much in the past will set to let you miss out even more in the present, creating even more regretful ones in your album of reminiscence.

You just have to do self-reflections constantly while grabbing onto whatever belong to you in the present. It may be a taunting task to do, but it worth all the efforts.

An Untitled Letter

2009-03-19T00:00:00.001+08:00

I had thought of this weird idea while stoning, looking outside the bus window during the bus trip back from today's fishing trip.

After being such an jerk in some situations, perhaps I shall write an untitled letter to whom may it be concerned in the future. Just in case I make the same mistake of being such a jerk again.

Here it goes.

To You,

I believe it is common to say I Love You when new couple are in love. But I believe, I will be the one who will replace these words with "I thank you". You may find it weird. For all sort of reasons you will think of, wondering why do I want to thank you when most men will choose to say I Love You when they finally get someone that they see them as people he willing and wants to be with forever. I will like to tell you now.

I thank you. For accepting me for what I am.

For I being an unreliable man who always advocate frankness between couple yet choose to bottle up some displeasure within myself. Being such a jerk who has the possibility to treat you coldly for some certain reasons I choose to evade even if you ask me after we just went through some unhappy events that . However, please give me a chance to explain.

First of all, I believe I do voice out my displeasure in few occasions beforehand. However, there may be chances when you just don't get it. If I don't get my idea across to someone after a few attempts. It will just accumulate inside me. I will have this bad habit to keep quiet for a long long time. Don't ever try to apologise to me, because if you just apologise without knowing the real reason behind why I am like this. I will be even angrier. Let me to cool down. It will take just a few days. After which, you can talk to me and I will tell you what's going on, but you have to listen attentively. Don't worry, I will not get into this fit all the time. Just in rare occasions when I feel and obvious that something is really wrong.

For this, I thank you for being such an understanding woman who stuck with me throughout, trusting me like a fool but read me like a book.

I know, I may not have showing enough affection in front of people since I predict that i will never be. However, I do believe that you shall know me that well beforehand. I ain't someone who like to show off aka too timid to be that affectionate. You can knock my head for this. I am certain I have been responsible and giving you enough of attention and love when we are together somehow.

For this, I thank you. For being an attractive woman with such a big heart.

I can foresee from now. I will still carry on to be this ambitious and out to achieve something out of this life. For that, I know I will neglect you at times. I may seem preocupied with thoughts when you are talking about what did you do for the day. Or maybe, I will just forget about the important dates that deem important in your opinion. Nevertheless, I am looking forward for all the time I will be spending with you when Sunday will be exclusively for you irregardless of whatever things that seem important to my work including meeting clients for games.

For this, I thank you. For being such a wonderful woman who knows that I am a work machine.

Surely, I will make these mistakes. For being such a blunt man who just love to spurt out words straight from his mind. I hate myself for this all the time. Maybe some words may hurt you indirectly, if so, please knock me on my head. Just don't throw any black-faced stuns on me. I will freak out since I know no answers will be able to squeeze out from you until the D-Day when we quarrel.

For this, I thank you. For being such a kind woman whose benovolence which seems endless.

Even though you shall know I hate promises. I can stamp my both feet and beat my chest, promising you that I will love you even more for being who you are. Why do I deserve you in the first place? Because I believe you are one unlucky woman and yet I am the luckiest man in the history.

Thank you,

Mark

These 4 scenarios are the most high probable mistakes that I might make next time. Hopefully, this will save my ass next time.

How about you? What are those mistakes that you think you will make next time? Something for you to think about.

Blank.

2009-03-18T01:15:00.002+08:00

Someone told me yesterday,"You used to blog so well."

It sets me thinking: "Will I ever be able to blog that well again?"

For once, I am feeling so"blank" within me. I believed most of the people will use the word, 'empty' instead of 'blank' in this kind of flawed scenario. It's not that I feel nothing within myself, it just that I don't know how to describe it. It feels just like a piece of white paper, covering the door to my thoughts, stopping me to recall too far.

I guess I cheated my mind once again.

Feel like watching "Rocky"

2009-03-13T00:33:00.002+08:00

P.S Will be unavailable for the next 2 weeks. Stay tuned. Take Care.

Help! In need for some serious K.I.T.A!

2009-03-10T14:23:00.002+08:00

Hello~Hello~Hello~Hello~Hello~

2009-03-09T13:03:00.001+08:00

Consumed by

2009-03-09T00:12:00.002+08:00

Raindrops keep falling on my head

2009-03-07T13:20:00.001+08:00

Just Some Lesson

2009-03-03T21:54:00.005+08:00

I had learnt a lesson today.

Shall I be glad to learn from it?

Or be sad that this happened to someone that I respect all these while?

Feel inadequate for not being able to help.

What can I do?

For being someone without fame,wealth or power, all I can do is be there and do nothing. Just stand by the side waitng to give support when i have nothing.

Therefore, I am more determined to have all these. I want to be somebody that people could rely on.

Or is it that I am just scared of turning out to be as helpless like the protagonist?

Life is this. Like a clear sky that bring a smile to you and suddenly evolve into a thunderstorm that make you see nothing upfront.

I'll be alright, just have to digest this bit of unfortunate into my stomach.

Or shall I admit that I am still a failure as I used to be?

Life isn't that simple afterall.

Writing academic essays

2009-03-01T23:35:00.001+08:00

Have to Honour Like A Man

2009-02-25T22:29:00.002+08:00

First Day

2009-02-24T00:38:00.003+08:00

Talk is Cheap

2009-02-23T01:35:00.001+08:00

I...

2009-02-21T21:52:00.002+08:00

I am hiding, don't I?

2009-02-19T18:48:00.001+08:00

In need for peace

2009-02-16T23:04:00.001+08:00

Here I am

2009-02-16T01:01:00.002+08:00

Do me wrong. Do me right.

2009-02-13T00:15:00.004+08:00

Sometime,Surely,You Will Feel

2009-02-10T22:51:00.002+08:00

One thing that I have to do

2009-02-07T17:55:00.002+08:00

If I Could (Part 2)

2009-02-04T23:43:00.006+08:00

Reading the Life

2009-02-01T21:38:00.008+08:00

If Life is just a library and everything else including people and feelings is just one of the books on the shelves.

What will you do when you come across a book that interests you when your eyes land on it, but as you read along, you realise that it just get too hard for you to comprehend the contents?

Most of the time, i will try to read it even i gradually find it tougher to understand the content as i flipped the page by page. However, when it comes the stage where i really can't understand a single word in the sentence at all; I will close the book with my both hands, feel its cover once again and put it back on the shelf.

It's not a form of giving up. Just a gesture of delay gratification. Maybe i may not have chance to read this book again. Nevertheless on the other hand, surely there's someone in this world may find it interesting and comprehensible. If that's case, that will be great in a way. And if time and fate is on my side, perhaps one day i may eventually understand what is used to be inconceivable in the past. Sometime, something just can't be ordered.

Let the wheel of fate turns as we move on. For all one knows, we may just going in circles afterall.

Don't you think so?

I Ponder.

2009-01-27T23:32:00.006+08:00

Without any pre-arrangements made among them, they had been keep wanting to introduce ladies to me. It makes me ponder these days. Those reasons behind crazy enthusiasm of trying to hard sell me off to their girls.

Is it because I am now a 24 years old bloke who appears to be unbearable for hogging on the singlehood status for the past few years? Or am I the only odd-one-out among the majority of my friends nowadays since most of them are more or less got attached with their other halves?

Pathetic. Hopeless.

Or maybe at the slightest chance, they are still wondering why am i not commited to any relationships since i got quite few pleasant girls stood right infront of me these days? Or are they trying to spread their love around since they themselves are enjoying the fruits of their own love?

Intriuging. Bewildering.

No matter what is the underlying intention behind this kind act, I still have to thank for their concerns. However, i do have to reject their kind intentions. I may be protraying myself as an egoistic pig once again , but I do believe that making friends in this kind of scenario isn't what i want for my love next time. "I will just love someone for the sake of wanting to love and be loved" isn't any panic-button that i will to press for myself. Just finding anyone to love for the sake of companionship and to fill up moments of loneliness in your life isn't the right motive of loving someone. It's just not right.

I had loved for the wrong reasons in the past. I fell, I was hurt, I felt guilty and i learned. Not going to dwell over them anymore, but somehow i did learned a few things. And one of them is that never ever love someone who I don't love in the first place. I don't wish to be a bast*** that hurts anyone and to be seen as a pest who hogged on a hopeless relationship which is damned at the very beginning even before it started again.

No one deserved just only part of the love from his/her other half. I don't want to be loved by someone who just feel lonely and longed to have an companion by her side. Neither do i want to be someone who tricks some girl into my embrace just because i feel empty in those helpless moments of loneliness in my mundane life.

I did wrong previously and I don't wish to make the same mistake again.

This will be my answer.

But do i wish to have someone by my side all this while? Yes. I Do. But do i have to actively look out for them just for the sake of having one? No. I don't think so.

So much so that i disbelieve in destiny, but i still hold faith when comes to one amazing phenomenon called fate. Maybe the next one appear right before me just comfortable and cool enough to make me slam the table, stamp both feet of mine with assurance and say it right infront of her, "Yes girl, you are the one."

Let's wait and see. Surely, it will worth the wait.

What A Week.

2009-01-25T22:27:00.001+08:00

Thursday.
Friday.
Saturday. Sunday.

P.S Happy Chinese New Year to all. May i request no chinese year songs to be played around me? Pretty Please? *Begging*

Reaching an Age of Masterstroke

2009-01-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday. Mr.K.

Nothing at all

2009-01-12T01:06:00.004+08:00

Once i came across an interesting dialogue from a drama.

"If you are missing someone, need not pretend you are not. And maybe only at the end of the longing will lie the real answer for everything. "

"如果你想念他，就继续想念。也许，思念的尽头就有你所想得到答案。"

My answer?

Anymore. It works.

If I Could (Part 1)

2009-01-11T01:47:00.003+08:00

Part of me.

2009-01-06T23:19:00.007+08:00

Resolution of 2009

2009-01-02T01:49:00.004+08:00

I know. It's a little old-fashioned to have this kind of resolution stuff at the start of a new year. But i guess,it's some of like a goal setting session for yourself. Man can't live without goals, ya' know. But whether do it being achieve at the end of the day is another story yet to be told.

Nevertheless,let's keep it rolling.

Not going to be a long list like those in the previous years. The more you set, the less you will achieve at the end of the day. So keep it short.

Resolutions 2009

1. Driving Licence

(I know, i have been dragging this for a really long time. But as demand and requests for me to have one asap are overflowing. I got to do it no matter how troublesome i find it. )

2. Studies. Consistency of good results.

(I had proven myself in Year 1, my resolve serves me well; if one wants to do something good,he will make it. Good harvest for my year 1, i got to keep it going and consistent.)

3. Time to make my moves.

(Time to make my mark during this time of uncertainty and turmoil. Good timing to jumpstart my engine. First step to overhaul myself. Body, money, happiness and career all come to me.)

Done.

Here comes my wishlist.

Wishlist 2009

1. Windbreaker

(I want to run in the rain without getting all drenched.)

2. New pair of running shoes

3. Xbox 360 with world tour set

(My rockstar alter-ego calling within my soul.)

4. Punching bag

(To relieve my stress along the day while keeping fit)

5. Nice comfortable bean bag seat.

(Like one that Charlie always sit on in Peanuts. Love to dig myself at one corner and read my books.)

2009!

Report Card 2008

2008-12-31T16:05:00.006+08:00

Swoosh. Vroomm. Visshh. Time flies. Flashing through moments of both sweetness and bitterness.

Last day of year 2008. Time to hand in my report card.

Health. Family. Friends. Relationships. Career and life. 6 essential elements that make or break a man. Without any one of those, life wouldn't be as complete as it can be.

What have i done so far? Time to sit down and ask myself this question in a solemn manner. Just have to spare myself some time for remorse and reflections after spending the last 364 days since the start of the year.

Let's start.

Health

Not bad. Went for my 1st full body health screening earlier this year. Nothing special, just have some 'interesting' reading from my liver but all cleared after 2nd screening few weeks later i gotten the shocking results of it. Taken aback somehow, even though i knew the fact that i am allergic to alcohol, but never i expect my liver to be that special. Nothing to be worried about, just have to take note as my life goes on. I've got to cut down my drinking quota just to be safe.

Gained and lost weight intermittenly through this year. Yes, it's pretty much linked back to my erratic lifestyle and eating habits. I know and noted. Got to handle pressure from studies while resisting temptation of good foods everywhere around me. Weird sleeping patterns, food binge, lost of sleep, stress, worries and complacency towards personal wellness. I know and regretting. Now on the self-induced weight loss program after reaching my fattest peak these months and being in the weakest form ever up to this date.

I just got to do better.

Grade: C

Family

2 words. No comments. I don't like to divulge any things or incidents about my family and closed ones.

Grade: Unknown.

Friends

Big flush. It's just to be an sort of In-and-Out affair. I've get to know new and interesting people but at the same time, I also lost few more. No drama-rama behind those losses, we just hit plateau of no-common-understandings or just nothing to talk about. I'm not the sort of person that will say hi for the sake of saying hi. If i don't like something, i just don't like. Goes to the same for situations like I never talked to some people for so long,but somehow time and events brought us back together and evolve into better friendships. Just have to leave to fate when comes to this kind of things. Can't be forced or compelled. Both parties have to be willingly.

So no big hooha nor you-don't-friend-me-i-don't-friend-you incidents(only for childish brats).

Nevertheless, i got a whole new understanding for the definition of 'friend' this year. I had came to realise that i had overused this word too much and it's getting worthless nowadays. So i will like to be discreet and careful when i want to tag 'friend' on someone from now on.

Grade: B-

Relationships

Nothing much. Blank sheet again. Been into some sort of 'budding' situations but it just didn't turn out well. No finger pointing involved and just have to move on. A few sweet moments will just be enough to last for some time although the prices for those seems to be inflated.

Finally, i realised what i really want for my love next time. Therefore, the next one will be my last one. I'm just too old for any hit-and-run affairs anymore. Purely waste of time and emotions.

Grade: C-

Career

I am a student,therefore studies will consider as my career for now and the next 2 years. Studies. I worked hard. Encountered a little hicup initially, but all smoothen out at the later stages. Nice one. *Giving a pat on my own shoulder*

I am determined to give myself a big overhaul and therefore, Studies will be my first platform for me to do an overhaul of my life. "Last time my studies ain't that impressive, so let's be the best for this time round. ", I've told myself this,now still working towards this goal and being consistent through. I just don't want a meagre pass for anything i do from now on.

Results just corresponds with my effort put in this time. Lucky me.

Grade: A

Life

It can't be any worse than this but somehow it's not as bad like it seems afterall. Feeling good and hope to keep it this way. Some bad habits are yet to be kick and some just have to take much more precautions before situations starts to get out of hand. Overall,life is good and can be better. Learnt to forgive and forget.One advice to all. Although it's hard to forgive sometimes, try to learn how to forget. In a long run, forget about something only spells two things; the event had became too insignificant for you to remember or just that you have forgiven long time ago without you realising it yourself. You will be happier this way. No point holding grudges that only make your own life miserable without any effect on the others. A losing business that set to be pointless even before it started.

Grade: B+

Comments for myself.
One less year that i will be spending on this Earth, but one more year of experiences and lessons that will put me in good stead for years to come. I will do better in 2009. I believe in that.

Happy new year. Happy always.

My Christmas Wish?

2008-12-24T01:13:00.001+08:00

IPPT

2008-11-29T00:32:00.001+08:00

Mental Inflation: Head Getting Bigger

2008-11-05T21:55:00.000+08:00

Appreciate The Silence

2008-11-02T03:31:00.001+08:00

Online Messenging: Poison or Gift?

2008-10-24T23:34:00.016+08:00

Do you ever wonder this? Is online messenging a poison from hell to real conversations? Or a gift from heaven to communicate irregardless of time,place and people?

Really weird of me to put up this question which I believe most of the majority may not even think of it?

Being an Internet user for a decade, I believe Online Messenging is indeed one of the biggest breakthroughs of all time. A technology that usually comes free with advantages to find someone to talk to whenever you feel like, make new friends and so much more. In the past, switching on my online messenger program was virtually part of my standard procedure whenever i came online.

However, everything comes with a price. Online-messenging do have its trade-offs.

Becoming so close to our daily lives, Online Messenging is becoming a channel where we can converse our ideas within split seconds. But whether the ideas we typed in that tiny little chat box will be able to transmit clearly and truthfully, is one trickest questions i want to raise.

Several occasions i had encountered, created plenty unnecessary misunderstandings that took me extra time to clarify if the other party voiced his cluelessness over my statements, but some kept within themselves and slowly it brewed into bigger misunderstandings which came out tricky and straining. A mind sees what it choose to see. Different interpretion came along with different people, whatever we want to transmit through words may not as effective as real-life conversations.

Secondly, modern people in our recent generations are so accustomed to this technology that we tend to have the tendencies to bring up serious and solemn issues to talk over online messenging. Easy and convenient it may seems to be, however this can be an act of insincerity in the eyes of others. Will you expect to hear your boyfriend to propose to you over the Net next time when you are getting on to age of marriage? Or do you want to accept apology from others over the Net with just a simply 'sorry' occupying less than 1% of your entire screen? Trust me, i won't. Definitely not fair to the other party who deserve more than just words appearing on his screen.

Lastly, the worst of all. Online messenging can turn into a digusting bad deal, making us to trade off the real essense and fun of face-to-face comunications for the convenience of talking to your friends infront of the lifeless box while sitting relaxingly, digging your nose and picking the veggie in between your teeth. Appalling. Don't you think so?

Sometimes, some users may even put up emotional-charged nicknames which can be quite controversial. One friend quoted this, nicknames in msn are just like mini-blogs. I do wonder,are they really trying to confess how they feel or just another unconscious attention-seeking trickery of oneself? Frankly speaking, i used to do that too.

But will you be daring enough to cut off straight from the world of online-messenging?

One may risk to shrink his own social circle if he chose to stay away from online messenging. Or for being offline out of sudden may even invite unwanted attention, from possibility of those gossip-ers who will fill themselves up with all sort of interesting hypothesis towards your phenomenon to even real concern from friends who find it weird for someone who used to online so much to be "out of business" in such a sudden note.

I did.

These days, I prefer seeing people's faces with expressions and listening to voices with emotions when comes to conversations. Much easier. Rather than sitting and cracking my brain thinking what is the real meaning behind those words infront my screen during occasions, i choose to move on. To go "wire-less".

No matter what, i am still not that sort who talk just for the sake of talking. If there's nothing to talk, why force yourself? For those who really want to find you, they will call or visit you. For those chaps who love to use "Because you are not online" or "I thought you are busy cause' you didn't online" as their reasons when they said they are finding you yet they can't, i got to say sorry. To me, those are just excuses that are implying that i-am-just-trying-my-luck-to-talk-to-you or I-did-tried-my-best-to-find-you. Lack of sincerity. I create my existence in online-messenging, not online-messenging creates me.

Then, here is something for you to ponder about.

So? At the end of the day,are you the one using the Online Messenging? Or the Online Messenging is using you?

Definitely. I Will...

2008-10-23T20:47:00.001+08:00

Daydream after all these

Risk Taker and Plan Lover

2008-10-22T00:34:00.005+08:00

Which category do you fall into? Or you are a hybrid of both?

Did you ever took risks in real time crucial situations when outcome of success or failure is just a heartbeat away from you? Your very own Russian-roulette style of living to your predicament. Greater risks reap greater returns? Feel great when you took the right risks while crying over the spilted milk when you took the wrong ones?

Or do you prefer to work everything on in your mundane life all according the grand plans you set beforehand? The blueprint that unconsciously becoming your own set of rigid protocols to adhere? No risks involved, everything's predictable within your own circle of comfort zone? Sense of achievement when everything goes well smoothly according to what you have foreseen and planned while feeling bitter and fustrated when some details in your plan just sidetracked and wrecked by some a-holes or circumstances?

Sounds familiar with either one or both?

Me?

Hybrid of both, if you were to ask me. Extremist of either one of the types i mentioned gonna wreck your life in no time. Over-reliant on luck and uncalculated risks without knowing what lies infront of you just gives me heart-attacks during the moment when outcome reveals. However, just work everything out according to plans without once-a-while spontaneous turn-abouts in life just feel so mechanised and rigid. You may call me the Fussy man or Mr. Critical-in-whatever-whosoever-wherever-it-may-be.

But life isn't just about living it in a day to day existence just like that. Don't you think so?

We shall add a little regrets and bitterness in our lives or else how are we going to learn from mistakes in the first place? Not implying any encouragement to do all sort of reckless things in lives. But i guess some little risks here and there will be still pardonable once in a while?

Why do i want to talk about these? Recently, I thought of some incidents that happened for the past 1 year. All those risks and sidetrackings of plan i took and encountered so far. Is it worthwhile? I do question myself. I did got fustrated and feeling real down when things aren't going in my way and ended up in a bizzare-fashioned endings. Although i still feel a little bitter but surely those unwanted feelings are subsiding in a really healthy speed.

Maybe having some regrets, going on clueless over some outcomes and a big desire to turn things back to where they belong.

Conclusion? I made some unnecessary risks, overdoing some planning and neglected several little details when making risks.

Solutions? Forget about it. Just move on and stick on with this self-induced mantra,"leave it to time. Everything will be fine. Things aren't that bad." I can't always compel everything to go according to my wishes, right? So a little gamble for time to clear all doubts and uncomfortable jibes within is my best answer.

Am i taking a risk just to think like this?

Maybe yes.

Maybe not.

Let's see about it.

Wake Up Call

2008-10-20T00:50:00.002+08:00

Reaching the age of reminiscence?

2008-10-19T01:02:00.005+08:00

I think this blog seems be my own male confessional novel of life.

Am i reaching the age of reminiscence?

Time really flies. 10 years. Up and down, bumpy roads and smooth trips, dull routines to colour memories. Acts of the past becoming the anecdotes of the present. Sounds old, but still it's painfully true to this time. I am getting old...old enough to reminisce my little past.

Today. It's my long-time best friend graduation ceremony. A young lady who experienced far more than anyone could experience in her age. She went through hardships that even put down most men in the modern days. Stories of hers will only be found in dramas or novels. No idea whether it's a blessing or my twisted fortune of life that i managed to bump into her this lifetime.

Spare the excessive details of someone's life story.

Today's gathering involved several secondary school mates that i had not met since, let's say 7 years? It brought us back together unexpectedly since i strongly believe that we will not cross each other path if not for today's event. Firstly, I wasn't close to them and our frequencies just never click once at all during my school days. Secondly, we took all different paths ever since our secondary school days where most of them are now the professionals of today's society yet i only start recovering my long overdue passion in business studies year ago.

Moments of awkwardness did fell on us initially. "Hey you look the same.", "Hey, you look better with this hairstyle compared to last time.","Yeah, you look really different now.", these were our opening conversation icebreakers after we saw each other for the first time after so long. But this kind of awkwardness didn't last long as we begin to do what old friends usually do after long departures from each other's life. Talk about the past we shared.

Laughters and hiding our faces behind our hands from embarassments. Sudden realisation of the truth after years of not knowing it. Nostalgic, yet as fresh as if these all were just happened days ago. From the famous "Debian" incident to heated up situations from those chinese debates sessions. Don't forget to mention about me almost getting hit by flying table and got screwed verbally by this old friend of mine after heated debates from those sessions. Crazy but aren't that the privileges we used to have during our young days? For being that wilful and reckless.

I had a bombastic happy day. It's not just those "laughing happy" happiness, but it's some oh-yes-i-still-remember-that kind of happiness. Definitely, this worth the sacrifice of a day of crucial mugging for this special day.

We exchanged our cell numbers among each other. Said goodbyes and promised to meet again at the end of the day. Even though, i know this may just be a formality of saying goodbye to your old friends like this and probably this kind of casual promise may not realise at all.

One thing that i am really sure. Certainly, today will be a memorable day that i can remember for quite some time from now on.

Am i really get old?

My hairstylist commented that i am losing my hair few days ago. Is it due to the stress? Or am i really getting old!?

似箭

2008-10-18T01:14:00.002+08:00

Absolute

2008-10-17T11:31:00.004+08:00

Do this ever come across your mind before?

When you were in the younger days, alot of the decisions and judgements we made were tend to be either black or white, yes or no, right or wrong. Absolute precision. This is wrong and that is right. And most of the time, we were just stick to our judgement and carried on with it. So called wilfulness of the young days? When people asked you not to do this, you will just stick your head even deeper into it. When your pals said this is not worth it and you just see some worth in it.

However, as we see and experience more events and people as the time goes by. I wouldn't know why, but somehow this kind of absoluteness lost its existence and more grey areas appear right in front of my eyes.

There is no such things as black and white; another angle of perspective has been given as an additional option to view things in a different way.

Is this a sign of growing empathy within oneself, or just an act of self-denial to delude himself from the harsh reality of life as he take up much more and heavier responsibilities as a grown up independent entity?

What seems to be wrong in the past, may appear to have a different answer now. I tend to see deeper. Maybe he got an untold reason behind for what he did in the past? Even what she did was wrong,but she isn't entirely in fault?

Even when I get increasingly decisive in work, but when comes to interactions with people and events, more and more grey areas sprout out from the little absolute judgement of mine.

When you were young, you wished to grow up. But when you grew up, you want to go back to your childhood days. Much carefree and easy.

Human. It is just a creature who never contented with what he has.

Just Myself

2008-10-17T01:53:00.003+08:00

Name: Mr K

Age: 23

Birthday: 14th of Jan

Horoscope: Capricorn

Occupation: Undergrad. Currently studying degree in Business Management.

Hobbies: Guitar, Reading, Running, Movies, People-watching and Writing

Nickname: Tons of it. May it due to my looks or overall. The one that i hated most. Horse.

Mantra in Life: Nothing is impossible. If you can do it,so do I. Live larger than life. Never give in to mundane routines and protocols.

Bad Habits: Being either too straightforward (Blunt) or overly-tactfully (Fake-r) at times. Mule-like stubborness which in turn became obsessions in certain aspects in life.

Weird Habits: 3-chances system. I will give 3 chances for everything around me, if things can't work well within the 3 chances, i will walk away and never return. May it be people,habits or objects. Of course,this excludes situations that involve big implications in my life ie. Career and personal interests.

Big Taboo: People not being frank enough. People who can't keep simple promises. People who breaches trust. People with no simple manners. Biggest hatred. Pretentious creeps.

About Myself: Like someone quoted before, I am like fermented beancurd; either people hate me or they love me.

In Life...

2008-10-03T22:00:00.000+08:00

Feeling Down

2008-10-01T22:19:00.001+08:00

树中的黑白 (Simplicity of The Tree)

2008-09-27T22:22:00.003+08:00

"Simplicity of The Tree"

瞬间的宁静 (Fleeting Tranquility)

2008-09-27T22:12:00.003+08:00

"Fleeting Tranquility"

What am i doing?

2008-09-03T22:26:00.001+08:00

Chin Up

2008-08-22T22:17:00.004+08:00

Something That I Have To Do

2008-08-15T19:33:00.002+08:00

On The Ball

2008-08-14T22:42:00.002+08:00

Sick

2008-08-13T21:59:00.002+08:00

Steady

2008-08-13T00:05:00.001+08:00

A Little Unwell...

2008-08-11T22:55:00.001+08:00

Quiet Please

2008-08-02T18:33:00.000+08:00